Thursday, June 2, 2016

Going Beyond... to love again?

As I was cleaning my kitchen, mopping my floors and pondering random things while listening to random love songs… I couldn’t help but think of the people in the world who were so hurt and devastated because of the actions of another (in any type of relationship). Because of someone else’s actions, words, behavior or otherwise – some people have decided to never love again, never trust again, never letting themselves be in the “position” to be hurt again. This is for the broken, broken hearted, hurt and abused.

Not everyone believes that everything happens for a reason… which is kind of sad, because there’s so many things that can be learned from a situation when one looks at everything as a lesson, a stepping stone, or some kind of event that could very well propel you forward to your destiny. BUT, in not seeing the synchronicities of life unfolding before us – in choosing to never venture towards true love again, you may be missing out on the very thing you’re shielding yourself from – finding your true mate. When we look at events, relationships, situations, conversations, random spoken words from a stranger, a song on the radio, a random post on social media even – they all have messages that coincide with whatever it is we’re going through. 

For example, I don’t normally have trust issues with people until it’s plainly obvious something is amiss. However, recently I finally opened my eyes and saw the truth – that the person I was madly in love with for a large portion of my life, really didn’t deserve me – EVER during that time or in the present. For numerous reasons, I’ll just say that I found it very difficult to believe what I “wanted” to hear… I really wanted the truth, but the lies were much more comforting until I couldn’t ignore my gut instincts that just kept at me until I ended it. What a relief I felt, that even though I was walking away from love, it was absolutely necessary in order for me to find the person I’m MEANT to be with. Yes, I know I just recently posted about salvaging your relationship if possible – but sometimes, it’s just not meant to be and it’s liberating when you accept the truth, no matter how hard it is.

You see, as I was cleaning and pondering – I thought about just throwing in the towel and staying single for the rest of my days. But then I thought about how many countless people are single, threw in the towel or just can’t find the “one” they know is out there for them… I’m here to tell you: Please, don’t give up on love!! How sad is it to think that the one that’s waiting for you, will be waiting in vain for the rest of their days, because you decided not to venture that road? What if they wind up finally settling for someone who’s going to abuse them, hurt them, cheat on them, or otherwise – because they couldn’t wait any longer for YOU? (You weren’t showing up anyway!)

What if you had ventured that road, you and your meant to be love - find a love so great that you thought only existed in the movies or fairytales? Instead, you’re sitting there alone every night, convincing yourself that you’re happy and don’t need anyone… while the love of your life, is encountering all sorts of heartbreak – looking for you. It’s a sad conundrum if you ask me… it’s bad enough that some people wind up in the wrong relationship, while their “meant to be” is out there alone or with someone they shouldn’t be with too, and so on, down the line. (It can have a huge ripple effect! How you don’t see the synchronicities there is beyond me!)

My best friend once told me that you can’t expect the person you’re meant to be with, to find you or come along – if you have someone else in their place. OR if you choose to close yourself off from love – that’s just as bad if you ask me. I stayed single for about 5 years, so it’s not a big deal to think about doing it again… but I don’t think it’s fair. It’s not fair to me but more importantly, it’s not fair to the man I’m supposed to be with! The synchronicities or lessons I see in my recent relationship, is it was an opportunity for me to have closure and be able to move forward with no regrets and no hang ups. I’m in a better place for having a failed relationship because there are no lingering feelings or emotions about it – I feel good about letting go and moving forward. One could easily look at the negatives with it, however I don’t live life that way. J I choose to see the good in the situations, because there’s always a positive to every situation if you look for it. I also feel that in letting go of the past, it frees my heart to love another, wholeheartedly. 

For those who were cheated on, betrayed or abused in some way… I have to say, you of all people should NOT give up on love! You simply made a choice and it didn’t turn out the way you had hoped. It doesn’t mean that every relationship in the future will be that way. It doesn’t mean you should just say “I’m done” and throw in the towel… it means you need to be more selective with who you give your heart to! It means you need to do some research and learn how to spot abusers, cheaters, or otherwise! Learn how to read body language, ask the tough questions and see the truth for yourself! It’s not that hard… it’s harder to never love again and live with the knowledge that you may have a heartbroken love waiting for you, crying because they’re so tired of waiting for you to get your head out of your ass!

If I could wave a magick wand and show you that somewhere, there is a true love out there for you, a happiness beyond belief waiting for you – I would show you, in hopes that you would open your heart and begin again. There’s a quote going around social media that says something to the effect of: When someone hurts you or betrays you, it’s a sign of their character, not yours. Don’t let someone else’s behavior prevent you from having a full and happy life. Don’t let the past rob you of your future.

One final note before I close… earlier today I stumbled on an old notebook where I wrote some poems and possible starts to some blogs, books and posts. One of the things I saw that I wrote was about not losing your childhood innocence. Which in this case, would definitely apply! To let go of the pain, I recommend analyzing the situation for possible lessons, what did you need to learn from that person(s) or situation(s)? (No, the answer is NOT to give up on love!) Once you feel confident there was at least one or more good lessons, and you inspect the lesson, learn from it (hopefully) and find the similarities in the lessons or reasons (i.e., was there a “type” of person you were choosing? Was there a pattern in the person or relationships? A pattern in the situations?) The key is to find the corresponding lessons, key points, patterns, etc. Once you are able to look at the situation from a neutral perspective, it gets easier to see the similarities and the lessons will jump out at you. 

When you see, you’ll probably have an “AH HA” moment and the pain, baggage, trials and lies you told yourself will be much easier to put down so you can move forward. Yes, you saw that right – the lies you told yourself. In order to move forward with a good, clear and clean understanding and consciousness about things, let’s face it, you had a part of what transpired in some way… you chose to be in a relationship with that person, you chose to stay, you chose to believe, you chose… every day that you stayed, you chose. Of course you didn’t choose for them to be cheaters or abusers, but the fact is that you chose them, you chose to be there. 

Ouch! If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll feel better accepting responsibility where it lies. In being honest with yourself, accepting responsibility for your role in the relationship, and finding the lessons – you should be in a much better position to be free from the restraints of the past so as to move forward. J It works for me with everything in life and it prevents me from playing the blame game. No one likes a sore loser and no one likes to hear someone bitch and complain, placing blame! 

So check yourself! Get your shit together, reconcile your issues with the past and remember how much fun it was to be young and in love! Your inner child remembers you were once a trusting, more loving and more adventurous person! Put the baggage down, do some self-healing, a little research if needed to spot the abusers, and dust off your dancing shoes! Live! Love! Laugh!!!

LOVE & Light,

#warriorshelle #love #loveisfree #lovesomeone #getoffyourass #dancewithlove #livelovelaugh #LOL #letitgo
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